Who's who

Uromyias agilis (Agile Tit Tyrant)

Well known to all, this small, friendly, and rather hyperactive bird brings its mighty power to bear when encountering all kinds of rudeness. For its size, this bird is amazingly strong, loud, fit and well organised. Can often be found in the garden, particularly favouring the shed where its stash of cherry brandy can be found.

Polytelis empathia populus (People-loving Parrot)

Extremely rare, talkative and intelligent bird who loves to be involved in everything to do with people. It uses its incredible memory to try and actually become human by absorbing everything it learns and repeats it with great sense and empathy, often fooling humans into believing it’s a real person. Sometimes its attempts at merging into the human world fail dramatically when it attempts to drink alcohol.

Corvus antiquus nasutus (Nosy old crow)

A clever and gregarious bird that’s found in all environments. Slightly obsessive and pedantic, it likes to find out information as quickly and thoroughly as possible. Possesses a rare common sense that enables it to enjoy life without getting overly fixated on minor issues.

Tinamous placidus (Quiet Tinamou)

A large, shy, beige-plumed bird that spends its life flitting from branch to branch uttering feeble and often un-noticed calls. Timid and harmless, it spends a happy life pottering around the base of trees looking for chocolate. The female occasionally displays flashes of colour under the wings when provoked, accompanied by a terrifying squeak.

Tiaris cannabina obscura (Grassquit)

A reformed jailbird. After many years of hopping around hemp fields, this small green and brown bird is calm and gentle and can often be found slouched in a corner smiling but has forgotten why. Its call is a long, rambling mumble which changes constantly. A voracious appetite, this bird will stuff its beak with as much food as it can get.

Mimus polyglottos ad nauseum (Wood-boring Mockingbird)

This tiny grey bird follows others around the wood, uttering the standard cry of lol-lol-lol. Can always be found at the edge of a crowd of more confident birds. It has long since lost the ability to create its own call, relying entirely on others to agree with.

Cygnus infestus (Aggressive Swan)

Calm on the surface, paddling like hell underneath, this large bird can take a person down in a single flap of its wings. Its aggression is widely believed to come from a hidden inferiority complex. Takes great pleasure in tormenting quieter birds for no particular reason. It does this with a smile on its face and the regular back up of its own eyrar which it calls upon telepathically.

Luscinia insomnius (Nightingale)

A large black nightingale. Sleeps very little and haunts the night-time woods, singing beautiful, poetic songs. Is homely and protective of its young and rarely strays far from the nest or woods. Always calm and peaceful, this bird only ruffles its feathers in the face of unjustness. An epicurean, the nightingale is happiest when plied with good food and wine. Does not like cherry brandy.

Avis tantus (Big Bird)

A large, yellow, flightless bird.