Here are some seriously useful tips on surviving - and even enjoying - Christmas from those who deal with the casualties every year...(see below for details)

SUZIE HAYMAN'S CHRISTMAS SURVIVAL STRATEGIES:

• Don't suffer in silence: delegate. Give one or two jobs to each person - and don't do it for them!
• Don't fuss round lazy guests: make them contribute.
• For conversation, leave a silence and let someone else fill it. You're not responsible for everyone else's happiness and entertainment.
• For stepfamilies: make House Rules. The adults may have different styles, but agree some basics before the holidays, and always back each other up.
• To explain why you're angry, choose a moment when you're not angry!

The British Association of Anger Management's KEEP CALM TIPS:

• Let go of your expectations
• Remove yourself from the situation, eg go to the loo or for a walk
• Use a relaxation technique, eg visualise a tranquil scene, do yoga or meditate
• Have people to call on when you need to talk so your anger doesn't get out of control
• Keep a journal to express your anger safely
• Don't take anything personally: what others do and say is a projection of their own reality

Parentline Plus's TIPS:

• Pick up the phone to us or another helpline: we are here to help
• Don't suffer in silence
• Don't deny yourself help because the problem seems too trivial; if it's causing tension or rows it's valid

Steph's Christmas tips for avoiding meltdown:

• Do less: it's not going to be ruined because the crackers and napkins don't match.
• Don't be a martyr: any crosses should be on the wall, not on your back.
• Invite the uncles/aunts/grandparents to play with the children or take them to the park while you keep back your favourite adult or teenager to help you cook.
• Invite a single friend to join you: it alters the chemistry and makes you less likely to scream at each other
• If you don't want to cook, delegate or go out!
• If you have a lot of people coming, get some time alone.

Suzie Hayman is a relationship counsellor and author of Stepfamilies (Simon & Schuster)

Parentline Plus: 0808-800-2222, 24-hours a day, 365 days a year. Refers callers to specialist organisations eg for domestic violence, and has recently launched Individual Telephone Support (ITS) a course of six consultations with the same counsellor. www.parentlineplus.org

British Association of Anger Management: 0845 1300 286 - www.angermanage.co.uk - e-mail: info@angermanage.co.uk